Funniest Bumper Stickers on Cars About Parenthood
Having kids sounds amazing until you actually, ya know, have them. Don't get us wrong, raising kids is a beautiful, life-affirming experience, but there are certain struggles no parenting book can fully prepare you for.
Things like getting everyone dressed and in the car with both shoes and no forgotten lunch box deserve medals of achievement. Since no one gives those out, these funny bumper stickers will have to do.
Looks Like This Driver Dropped Something
What's that on the floor? Oh, the truth. Right next to the invisible break you're trying to step on as you try to teach your teenager to drive.
We didn't fully appreciate the gravity of driving a metal box next to tons of other metal boxes at 65 miles per hour until a kid who throws away socks instead of washing them is behind the wheel.
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If you have this sticker and someone still parks an inch away, the consequences are on them.
The number of times you hear yourself yelling, "Wait, wait, wait, let me open it for you, wai — nevermind," is astounding.
Speaking of Wins, Embracing Dad Bods Is a Nice Trend
Having kids dramatically changes your life, including how easy it is to go to the gym regularly. Putting on a few pounds isn't unusual, and it's about time we quit making people feel bad if their abs from college morph into just a singular ab.
One ab is enough to stabilize your core for pillow fights and bear hugs.
Can We Keep This Bumper Sticker in the Car?
Not on the car, in the car.
It applies to the occasionally psychopathic terrors in the backseat even more than it applies to the guy riding your bumper.
This Funny Bumper Sticker Is the Perfect PSA for School Drop-Off Lines
You know, for the days when you have to pick between getting yourself ready and getting the kids ready and end up driving to school in slippers.
Fingers crossed you don't have a reason to get out of the car.
This One Isn't Specifically for Parents, but It Applies Anyway
Listening to the GPS while driving in an unfamiliar area is hard enough without two people in the back asking for snacks.
If Your Car Only Smells Like Goldfish, That's a Win
Seriously, pat yourself on the back. Think of all the other things it could smell like.
Spilled juice boxes. Dirty diapers. Sweaty soccer cleats. Goldfish and cheerios are practically designer fragrances.
Add This One to Your List of Father’s Day Gag Gifts
Dad farts are somehow more potent than regular ones.
We're not sure why, but they also seem to be proud of it.
If the Farting Thing Is a Family Affair, Get This One Instead
What can we say?
If the fart fits...
A Hilarious Bumper Sticker Until You Get Pulled Over
Fellow parents will find this amusing.
Cops, not so much.
Ah, the Sticker of Self-Awareness
If your kids are monkeys, it follows that you, too, must be a monkey.
That explains why the entire family feels a tiny bit feral most of the time.
The Best Parents Are Honest Ones
Let's be honest: Even parents who have toddlers sometimes hate toddlers. They're basically tiny dictators that you're legally obligated to love.
Sometimes, they love you back. Other times, they kick you in the face and laugh. What can we say? It's a lot.
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When You Frown Against Favoritism
You just look at everyone in the house with the same level of, "Why are you the way that you are?"
For the parents out there who don't swear, please, tell us: How do you do it?
We tried it for a day and only made it to 8:20 a.m.
Minivans Can Be Cool, Too
If you ever get so tired you need to run away for a day, you basically have a tiny mobile home, equipped with snacks, water bottles and wet wipes.
Plus, have you ever gone on a road trip in a sports car? Hard pass.
We’re Not Sure if This Is Literal or Figurative
We're not sure whether the squirrels are all the voices in our head trying to remind us to order groceries, call the electrician, take care of that smog check and buy a poster board, or if our kids are the small rodents in question.
Teenage Daughters Aren't for the Faint of Heart
It's terrifying, really. Moms, it's like living with a younger, crazier version of yourself that's fully convinced she knows everything.
To our own moms, a decade or two late: our sincerest apologies. We owe you brunch and a subscription to a Wine of the Month club.
This Sticker Is a Must for Moms Who Like Their PTA Meetings Like They Like Their Jury-Duty Summons
Ya know ... indefinitely postponed. Yes, we want to be active parents, but please let the introverted parents participate from afar.
Bake sales and fun runs are not our thing. We're good at other stuff, like helping with projects and supervising playdates at the park from a quiet bench 30 feet away.
Everyday Is Overkill
We're on an every-other-Tuesday schedule. The rest of the time, the minivan is basically driving itself. Good luck, pedestrians. Give us a break.
After all, we haven't had a full night of sleep since, uh ... remind us what year our first kid was born?
It's Just a Precaution
Remember: It's always nice to help your fellow parent.
That's what horns are for, after all.