29 Funny Pickup Lines You Shouldn’t Try at Home

Have pickup lines ever worked? If you used any of these, it’s not likely.

29 Funny Pickup Lines You Shouldn’t Try at Home

Two young couples enjoying drinks at a bar

It’s cliche, but pickup lines, whether intentionally or not, are hilarious. Yet no matter how many times people (let’s be honest, it’s usually men) try them out on a hopeful partner — and no matter how many times they get shot down — they keep on trying them again and again.

Whether you’ve been on the receiving end of any of these pickup lines, or if you’ve tried any of them out yourself (please don’t!), we guarantee you’ll have a good chuckle at these funny pickup lines that we culled from the internet, some of which we even wrote ourselves.

Not Yet 5G

See, this one only works if it’s sent via text. Somehow, someone speaking it aloud instantly makes it lose its “charm.”

Walk This Way — Again

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by you again?

Sorry to break it to this Twitter user, but any fan of romantic comedies will tell you that you only get one chance to have love at first sight!

Everything Must Go

There is a big sale in my bedroom … clothes are 100 percent off!!!

Yikes! In the #MeToo era, this tweeted pickup line is begging for a lawsuit.

This One Is Definitely Out of Gas

Did your license get suspended for driving me crazy?

Licenses get suspended for many reasons, and if there were a law against corny automobile-laced pickup lines, right now you’d be getting pulled over.

Reboot! Reboot!

Hey, my name's Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?

We’re going to guess that this guy has had some bad luck with Apple users in the past.

Uh, Keep That Tide Far From Shore!

This person clearly forgot that tidal waves actually wash away beachfront property.

Too Sexy

Besides being sexy, what do you do for a living?

We don’t like this implication, period.

Maybe There’s a Reason

There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn't have your number in it.

Uh, hold on, we’ll amend that right now. What? No, we swear we’re not dialing the police.

Digging Your Own Grave

Do you have a shovel? Because I am really digging your butt.

Another one that deserves a slap in the face.

Self-Love Is the Best Kind

Do you love yourself? If so, we love the same person.

As Oscar Wilde said, “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”

Wrong Kind of Homework

Is your name homework? Because I haven't done you, but I wish I had.

Please, for the love of all that is holy, don’t ever try this excuse on your teacher!

Just Keep Your Hands Off

I must be in a museum because you truly are a work of art.

Hmm, maybe a better approach would be to not refer to the person in question as a “thing.”

Not the Moon?

You must be the sun because you bring light into my life.

Careful, Icarus, lest you get too close to that shiny ball and melt the wax on your wings.

Not the Right Kind of Jab

Have you had your vaccine? If not, I have a lead on a really great injection site.

We’re guessing this technique doesn’t adhere to social distancing.

Don’t Cluck Around

If you were a chicken, you’d be impeccable.

This is a bit too real if you’ve seen Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds.”

Animal Magnetism

You must have a magnet in your pocket because I’m crazily attracted to you.

Sure, we all have traces of metals in our bodies but not enough to be pulled around like in a Roadrunner cartoon!

Off the Deep End

I’d like to dive into that body … of water.

Maybe this Twitter user should take a long walk off a short plank!

Don’t Start That Engine

Is your name google? Because you definitely have everything I’ve been searching for.

Somebody erect a serious firewall, stat!

If I Were a Carpenter...

Why don't we play carpenter? First, we get really hammered, then I get to nail you.

Better yet, why don’t you be the 2x4, and we’ll put the final nails in this coffin of a pickup attempt.

Not Your Average Bookworm

Can I take you to the library? Cause I’d really like to check you out.

Maybe start by asking what books they like to read instead.

An ‘Open’ Book

Baby, if you were words on a page, you’d be fine print.

Well, excuse us while we go and grab an eraser to delete that mental image forever.

Pearls of Wisdom

What’s a beautiful thing like you doing outside the jewelry display?

Memo to the clueless out there: People are not “things” to be possessed and traded like baseball cards!

Bend It Like Beckham

Do you believe in karma? Because I have some awesome karma-sutra positions to show you.

Karma sutra pickup lines? What is this, the 1990s? We all know that no one reads anymore!

Look What I Brought You

I’m not an organ donor, but I’d be happy to give you my heart.

This Twitter user must have forgotten how organ donation works.

An Oldie That No One Wants Making a Comeback

Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Cuz I can see myself in your pants.

Sure, sure. We’ve heard this one before, which is why we do have a mirror to break over your head.

Calling Doc Brown!

Are you a time traveler? Cause I see you in my future!

Next, you’re gonna tell us you have a DeLorean!

Oversharing

My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.

You, uh, might want to get that checked out.

Have You Learned Nothing?

Are you a school book? Because I could study you all day long.

Cute, but maybe you should study some books on how to actually talk to people.

Next!

Maybe try this one in a place that’s not traffic court. Or jail.