29 Funny Pickup Lines You Shouldn’t Try at Home
It’s cliche, but pickup lines, whether intentionally or not, are hilarious. Yet no matter how many times people (let’s be honest, it’s usually men) try them out on a hopeful partner — and no matter how many times they get shot down — they keep on trying them again and again.
Whether you’ve been on the receiving end of any of these pickup lines, or if you’ve tried any of them out yourself (please don’t!), we guarantee you’ll have a good chuckle at these funny pickup lines that we culled from the internet, some of which we even wrote ourselves.
Not Yet 5G
See, this one only works if it’s sent via text. Somehow, someone speaking it aloud instantly makes it lose its “charm.”
Walk This Way — Again
Sorry to break it to this Twitter user, but any fan of romantic comedies will tell you that you only get one chance to have love at first sight!
This One Is Definitely Out of Gas
Licenses get suspended for many reasons, and if there were a law against corny automobile-laced pickup lines, right now you’d be getting pulled over.
We’re going to guess that this guy has had some bad luck with Apple users in the past.
Uh, Keep That Tide Far From Shore!
This person clearly forgot that tidal waves actually wash away beachfront property.
Maybe There’s a Reason
Uh, hold on, we’ll amend that right now. What? No, we swear we’re not dialing the police.
Digging Your Own Grave
Another one that deserves a slap in the face.
Self-Love Is the Best Kind
As Oscar Wilde said, “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”
Wrong Kind of Homework
Please, for the love of all that is holy, don’t ever try this excuse on your teacher!
Just Keep Your Hands Off
Hmm, maybe a better approach would be to not refer to the person in question as a “thing.”
Not the Moon?
Careful, Icarus, lest you get too close to that shiny ball and melt the wax on your wings.
Not the Right Kind of Jab
We’re guessing this technique doesn’t adhere to social distancing.
Don’t Cluck Around
This is a bit too real if you’ve seen Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds.”
Sure, we all have traces of metals in our bodies but not enough to be pulled around like in a Roadrunner cartoon!
Off the Deep End
Maybe this Twitter user should take a long walk off a short plank!
Don’t Start That Engine
Somebody erect a serious firewall, stat!
If I Were a Carpenter...
Better yet, why don’t you be the 2x4, and we’ll put the final nails in this coffin of a pickup attempt.
Not Your Average Bookworm
Maybe start by asking what books they like to read instead.
An ‘Open’ Book
Well, excuse us while we go and grab an eraser to delete that mental image forever.
Pearls of Wisdom
Memo to the clueless out there: People are not “things” to be possessed and traded like baseball cards!
Bend It Like Beckham
Karma sutra pickup lines? What is this, the 1990s? We all know that no one reads anymore!
Look What I Brought You
This Twitter user must have forgotten how organ donation works.
An Oldie That No One Wants Making a Comeback
Sure, sure. We’ve heard this one before, which is why we do have a mirror to break over your head.
Calling Doc Brown!
Next, you’re gonna tell us you have a DeLorean!
You, uh, might want to get that checked out.
Have You Learned Nothing?
Cute, but maybe you should study some books on how to actually talk to people.
Maybe try this one in a place that’s not traffic court. Or jail.