Hilarious Parenting Hacks That Should Never Have Happened
A good parenting hack can leave you feeling triumphant, like you truly accomplished something while making your life just a little bit easier. For parents, that’s pretty valuable — so much so that we have a strong desire to hack our way out of just about anything. And that’s when the trouble starts.
Not all parenting hacks are actually good ideas. Some of them are downright ludicrous or even dangerous. Others are hilarious and clearly meant to be that way. But sometimes it’s hard to tell if one person’s trash is another person’s treasure. We’re here to wade through the muck and inform you that these parenting solutions are total fails.
The Quickest Way to a Stomach Ache
Debbie is probably a really great mom who adores her children, but anyone could’ve told her that these homemade popsicles were a disaster in the making. What started as a fun way to make a frozen aisle treat at home with the kids turned into the saddest DIY project we’ve seen in … possibly ever.
It’s also disturbing to think of the amount of sugar in one of these things. Soda AND candy?! How about one or the other, or neither?
Taping Gloves to Clothing in Winter
We’re certain there are at least 1,000 better solutions to keeping kids dry and warm than this abomination someone is trying to pass off as a valuable parenting hack.
Just look at the eyes on this kid. Those are the eyes of disdain. He clearly has a few choice words for whomever is behind the camera. And what’s he supposed to do when he needs to use the bathroom or eat or drink something?
Dope With a Rope
If there’s a lazier person on the planet, we’d like to meet him. Until then, we’ll have to settle for this guy who thinks he’s really funny but is actually a total putz. And the half-consumed beer just completes it all.
The little girl appears to be wondering how in the heck she ended up with this dope out of the billions of men in the world.
When Your Protective Device Becomes the Enemy
This started out as a well-intentioned effort to let the kids have some fun without burning themselves.
It ended up as a classic parenting hack fail since, of course, plastic cups are made out of plastic, and fire and plastic don’t exactly mix. Next time, they should just tape some snow gloves to each kid’s hand.
D-I-Don’t Make This at Home
We’re simply flabbergasted by this one. A swing made out of old jeans? Say it ain’t so! Sadly, it’s all too real.
Not only will this rip after a few uses and send the occupant hurtling into outer space, it will produce a serious wedgie that might require surgical intervention to remedy. Certainly a regular old swing cannot be that expensive and elusive.
Maybe Parenting Isn’t Your Thing
If you search around the internet for parenting hacks, you’ll find this one on a lot of “best” lists. Those authors clearly aren’t parents, or if they are, then they really hate themselves for becoming ones.
It’s amazing that we have to say this, but human touch cannot be fabricated. It’s also really important to the development of children. So, you know, maybe ditch the bean-filled glove for some actual quality time together.
A Really Sucky Idea
Exhibit A for why we don’t believe in social media for innocent children. This girl will grow up one day, and her and Daddy are going to have a serious conversation about boundaries.
Putting long hair into a simple ponytail is the antithesis or grueling braid work. We hope that at least he uses a brand-new vacuum and not one that sucks up actual dirt. Gross, Dad!
This Clearly Won’t End Well
When the world becomes too populated, we can use the Roller Buggy as a barometer for one’s fitness for parenthood.
People will be given a scooter, carrier, fake baby and set of tools. If they put it all together and start propelling themselves and the fake babies around they will not be allowed to procreate.
Baby Mop: Can It Be Real?
It’s for sale, but it could still be fake. No, no … it’s quite real. For the love of humanity we hope no one has purchased this and used it to clean their floors, although sadly we know the answer is likely yes, they have.
Babies are supposed to be exposed to germs and bacteria to help their immune systems develop, but just a little at a time and not a landfill’s worth in one afternoon.
Let’s Send the Kids to the ER!
You’ll never hear us argue against the pure joy of a slide. They’re simple fun, and that’s why they are at nearly every single children’s park in the world. So, next time you get a huge Amazon delivery and think, “I’m going to flatten this cardboard and lay it over the staircase so the kids can have a slide,” just don’t.
What will really happen is they’ll break some bones, and you’ll have to explain to the hospital how it happened.
Candied Vegetables
This is getting passed off as a good parenting hack, but it’s actually nothing of the sort. First of all, sprinkles on broccoli sounds revolting and misses the point entirely on the veggie and health thing.
Secondly, did anyone question how the sprinkles so perfectly cling to the broccoli? It’s almost like someone did this for an art project … oh wait.
It Sounds Better on Paper
Drip catchers for popsicles seem to be all the rage on parenting hack roundups, but let’s be real: In order to stick the popsicle through the vessel, you must create a hole.
And what will that hole become? The place where the sticky drippings will travel before exiting the vessel and becoming a sticky mess. Nice try.
Crunchy Mom of Many Bad Ideas
When was the last time you received a bag of fast-food French fries that were so piping hot and just would not cool down that you felt compelled to stick them in the air vent of your car and crank up the AC?
The answer should be a quick never, unless you’re Instagram’s Crunchy Mom of Many. Good luck ever getting the smell of fast food out of your car.
Freezer Burn
It’s tough to leave the kids at school or daycare, no matter their age. Parents sometimes like to include a special note or keepsake in their child’s bag or lunch just so they know that Mom and Dad are always thinking of little Johnny.
And nothing says “I love you” quite like a frozen peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Make a month’s worth and watch little Johnny lose weight rapidly as he begins depositing them in the trash after Day 3.
Parenting With Technology
We realize this website is in German, but luckily you don’t have to know any language at all to see the insanity of this move. For starters, your CD-rom drive (if you even still have one) will last about a heartbeat with a real child in the rocker. Those things were notoriously delicate to begin with.
But what does this really say about you as a parent? You’re computer literate and don’t have time for baby’s needs.