Most Embarrassing Parenting Moments Ever
The first year or so of parenthood is exhausting, but that's the easy part. After that, they learn to walk, talk and spew the most cringeworthy sentences at the worst possible moments. Almost every parent has a moment or two that makes them want to sink into the floor, but rest easy: When they're teenagers, you'll get sweet, sweet revenge.
We took to Reddit to find the most embarrassing parenting moments ever. Whatever social faux pas your kid has delivered lately, these doozies will ease the sting.
Whoever Smelt It Dealt It
"We were at my daughter's choir performance, sitting dead center in the front row. Right before the performance starts, as the entire room is dead silent and the choir director is lifting her arms, my 7-year-old rips the LOUDEST fart. Without missing a beat, he yells, “Mom! Why did you fart?” – Wyowow, Reddit
At least they were among fellow parents. They get it.
Kids Have Many Things...
"We were standing in line to get on a plane and my oldest, who was 3 at the time, pointed to the man directly behind us who had a very large stomach and said very loudly, 'He is having a baby!' Luckily, he was such a good sport and was so kind. I had to explain a couple of things to her after that, haha." – LaTeeter, Reddit
Kids have a great sense of humor, enthusiasm and boundless curiosity. The one thing kids do not have is tact.
"This was back in 1998. I live in a fairly small town in British Columbia, Canada. It is about 99.9 percent white people. I had my daughter at the grocery store, and there was a person of color at the checkout. My 2-year-old pointed at her and said 'Oprah!” Oprah!!' I died. My soul left my body. Completely full of grace, the lady laughed and laughed and then said, 'Oh, I wish I was Oprah!'" – Hereinpen
And this, folks, is why it's never too early to have open conversations about race. That could have gone so, so much worse.
Speaking of Which
"My eldest sister, when she was 3, was walking through a park in London with my dad. On passing a stranger, she yells, 'HEY BIG BLACK MAN!' Dad starts freaking out. Stranger: 'HEY LITTLE WHITE GIRL!'" – Username224411
Best. Response. Ever. This guy could have assumed the worst, but he chalked it up to a little kid saying hi in the most unnecessarily specific way possible, as little kids tend to do.
We Would Have Melted Into the Bus Seat
"My child was about 4 years old this was the early '80s. We're on a bus, and a Sikh gentleman walked on the bus, and my kid says, 'Oh look, Mommy, it's a genie.'" – Moogiemomm, Reddit
The best part is that this poor mom had to sit through the rest of the bus ride hoping he didn't hear.
Mispronunciations Can Go Awry Real Fast
"When my daughter was 2, we went on a long flight. At one point, a flight attendant was near, and my daughter looked up and said, "Piece of a**!" The flight attendant gave me (father) the worst look! I think she assumed that my daughter was repeating something that she had heard me say.
"What I knew, however, was that my daughter had a bit of a funny accent when pronouncing certain words, and I explained to the flight attendant, 'She would like a piece of ice. Ice.'
"I don't think she believed me, but she put some ice in a cup and handed it to my daughter who happily looked at it and said, "Ass! Ass!" At that, the flight attendant started laughing and forgave me." – Dave_hitz, Reddit
"Not my kid, but my brother. It was Christmas Eve mass, and he was about 3 or 4. Brother snuck out of his seat, laid down on the priest's feet and loudly sobbed, "We go home now?!" I have never seen my mom so red. The priest just laughed it off and said that was his cue to stop talking." – Jazzlike-Honey-9157, Reddit
Let's be real. This kid just said what everyone else was thinking. We're just glad it was well-received and the family didn't have to find a new church.
Can You Really Blame This Kid?
"I was in the bathroom at the zoo with my then 3-year-old, and she stuck her head under the side of the stall and yelled, 'I peeking!' at the person in the stall next to us." – Pangolinzero, Reddit
The walls of bathroom stalls seem to get higher off the ground every year. What toddler wouldn't be curious about what's on the other side? If this ever happens to you, pull a scary face at them. They'll never peek again. Just not too scary, or they'll never pee again either.
Well, He Was Close
"We were at Target, and my son was about 3 at the time, and he grabbed tampons off the shelf and said, 'Here are the things you put up your butt, mom!'" –Jordiculous, Reddit
Some things don't need to be said out loud, but at least he's on the right track. Don't feel bad, Mom. Your preschooler is more comfortable talking about tampons than a lot of grown men.
Sun Damage Has Never Been So Awkward
"For some reason when my kid was learning the word 'freckle' it came out 'f**k you.' So, we were in line at Starbucks, and I was holding my daughter, and this lady comes up behind us who had a freckle on her cheek, and my daughter points and goes, 'F**k you.'" – SeaTie, Reddit
But, hey, you don't know. Maybe the woman was self-conscious about her freckles and profanities were the better option.
Kids Are Curious, We'll Give Them That
"My daughter, age 5, asked to see a hedgehog's vulva when a pet store employee was holding it. So, that." –Hucklebutter, Reddit
Pros: The kid knows accurate anatomical names.
Cons: That's personal, even for a hedgehog.
Remember How We Said It Was Important to Talk About Race?
"My daughter saw a guy in a wheelchair and pointed and yelled, 'Look, dad, it's a car man!'" – Whyevnask, Reddit
Add disabilities to the list. Better yet, teach them to save their questions for the car ride home.
No, No, No, Nononono
"When my daughter was 2 years old, I was trying (unsuccessfully) to explain to her what makeup was after she found some in the house. After failing to do so, I basically just gave up and told her, 'It’s white powder.' To which she replied, 'White power?' Me, 'No! Not white power! White powder!'
"Fast forward to the next weekend when I’m shopping with her at Macy’s. As we passed through the large makeup displays, she blurted out repeatedly, 'White power! White power!' All while POINTING WITH ONE ARM, which made it look like the salute of ... you get the picture. It’s been eight years, and I’ve never gone back to that Macy’s again." – Ok_Farm_8397, Reddit
Hey, honey? What do you think about moving to a different state? No reason.
Once Again, Save the Questions for the Car
"When my sister was younger, there was a man that was a little larger around the middle. She turned to my mother and said, 'Mummy, you said boys couldn't get pregnant.' I feel really sorry for that guy." – Randomaccount92, Reddit
We hope he was amused.
Indecent Exposure Takes the Cake
"One time, I was in a changing room at a women’s clothing store with my then 2-year-old, trying on a new top. Well, my toddler apparently got bored with watching me try on clothes, so he ripped open the curtain and ran off at top speed into the store.
"I did not have time to think, so, half-naked, I ran after him out of the changing room and across the store, loudly shouting his name, which caused all the shoppers in the immediate vicinity to turn and look.
"He was actually halfway out the door and into the shopping center by the time I was able to catch him, and then I had to scuttle awkwardly back to the fitting rooms, bright red, embarrassed to within an inch of my life. Obviously, he thought it was hilarious." – KaisaTheLibrarian
Don't worry. Every good parent on the planet would have done the same thing. Parenting sure does require a sense of humor, though, doesn't it?