Funny One-Star Reviews of Cruises

These unhappy customers had a lot to say about family cruise lines, and their one-star Yelp reviews prove it.

The Best One-Star Yelp Reviews of Family Cruise Lines

Taking your family on a cruise seems like a perfect vacation. You all can wander around independently knowing you’re safe and taken care of with whatever you may need. You can see the world without the worries of an uncomfortable airplane ride or bumpy, confusing roads. And you can enjoy the rolling waves and fresh air on the open sea.

But not everyone who takes a family-friendly cruise enjoys their experience. Here are some Yelp reviewers who didn’t exactly come back from their ocean getaway feeling refreshed. At least all these reviewers shared their thoughts in entertaining ways for the rest of us to enjoy safely from land.

While there are many cruise lines and options to choose from, check out these hilarious one-star Yelp reviews about some of the largest and most popular family-friendly cruise companies. All aboard?!?

The Ships Are Sinking

“All of their ships are sinking. Leaks in the rooms, no room exchange when the guest is flooded. You may get three chocolate-covered strawberries. Go to customer service on the ship they will insult for bringing up poor service. Call into the main headquarters, they will tell you to choose another cruise line. Beware, they are owned by Carnival, so you may end up sailing on a truly sinking ship.

The captain of their ship has no authority and cares not to even speak to the customer. The CEO is a coward and will not address these customer service defects. I am at their highest level, and they choose to treat their platinum customers like criminals. And watch out if you are disabled and need a doctor, the head cook is their doctor, chop, chop — whoops — I didn't mean to cut that off, sorry.” — Don G.

Wow, there’s a lot to unpack here. According to this Princess cruise reviewer, the ships' main goal of not sinking simply isn’t happening on these cruises. And any phrase that includes the words “chop, chop — whoops” is definitely cause for concern.

A Once-Marvelous Cattle Call

“Have cruised before. Used to be worth the price. Now, this cattle call just finds new ways to tell you no. Currently cruising in room 2116, called customer service, expect that nothing will be done. Watch out for this once-marvelous trap!” —Tony M.

This wasn’t a newbie cruiser. He was obviously used to a certain level of quality and a certain amount of personal space, neither of which he experienced on this Disney cruise out of Port Canaveral, Florida.

Dropped Drinks and Extra Whine

“Cruise was OK. I had a waiter that dropped drinks down my back. I had to go to my stateroom and change. Disney made good by giving a complimentary bottle of wine to our table. Elevators were crowded. Not worth the money.” — Jersey G.

At least it seems like when a mistake was made on this cruise, there was an attempt to rectify it. However, since this review ended up only being one star, it doesn’t seem to have made up for the bad experience.

Quite the Con Man

"We cruised on the Inspiration, and I feel like I just spent three days on a floating porta potty.

Cons:
The ship stunk.
The food was mediocre at best.
The plumbing was horrible — water backs up.
There was a 15-drink-a-day max.
The cocktails were all weak-measured.
It took up to 15 minutes to get a drink.
The safety brief took forever.
The debarkation line was over an hour long.
Customer service was terrible.
Employees would ignore you.
Not enough bartenders to accommodate the crowd.
Wi-Fi didn't work.
Hardly any entertainment.
Some workers barely spoke English.
People constantly smoking in nonsmoking areas.

Pros:
Our housekeeper was nice.
It's cheap — for a reason.

I will never cruise with Carnival again." — Blanco B.

This reviewer lays out all the simple yet frustrating reasons they had issues with their cruise, especially when it came to what got in the way of their drinking. To be fair, they also then lay out a few things that they didn’t mind. But put these lists side by side, and it’s understandable why Carnival ended up with a one-star review.

Even Free Isn’t Cheap Enough

“Worst cruise ever, lousy food, rude crew, I would never go on an MSC ship ever, even free!” — Etssel D.

At least this reviewer of an MSC cruise out of Fort Lauderdale, Florida, gives a few reasons why they disliked the cruise. As if the one-star rating and the negative feedback weren’t enough, they take it one step further by saying they’d never even go back if it were free.

Green Pool at Night, Sailor’s Delight

“What a gross cruise. The food was bad. The entertainment was mediocre. The pool was GREEN.” — Jane H.

A little chlorine in a pool may change its color from the regular clear to having a bit of a tinge. And swimming too much may cause blonde hair to turn a bit green. But seeing a ton of green in any body of water, like the pool on this Carnival cruise out of Long Beach, California, doesn’t exactly make you want to lay back and relax in it.

Portholes Can View Nearby Balconies?

“Disney Cruise Lines misrepresented a room with a verandah as a balcony room. It is not a balcony, only an extension of the room with a large porthole. The food is mediocre at best and not open past normal hours. The staff are wonderful, but the Magic is definitely showing its age!” — Pat D.

I think it’s fair to say that when you upgrade to a balcony on a cruise, you expect to be able to walk out and smell the fresh ocean air while standing or sitting with the sun on your face. A large porthole certainly doesn’t meet that criteria. And this reviewer of a Disney cruise out of Miami let the world know.

That Fresh Cantina Smell

“Ewww sewage foul gross. Odd people. Although I upgraded, the accommodations were subpar. Felt like I was at Walmart or at a ‘Star Wars’ bar. Never again.” — Chase W.

This person reviewing their Carnival cruise out of Long Beach, California, somehow associated a sewage smell with a Walmart or bar from “Star Wars” — which is what exactly? Hopefully, those visiting Disney’s new Star Wars attractions don’t have similar experiences.

Happy Bed Bugs to You

“Princess Cruises ruined my 70th Birthday with their present to me … Bed Bugs!!! Even after reviewing the bites I received (of course I took pictures) and being contacted by Channel 2 on Your Side, they lied and denied and would NOT take any accountability for what happened to me while at sea on their ship. I would NEVER cruise on Princess again! Worst customer service I've ever encountered. Their tag line, ‘come back new’ should be changed to ‘DENY DENY DENY.’” — Phyllis D.

Getting bed bugs is never any fun. Accusing a company of having bed bugs is even less fun, since they will likely not want to hear it. But having your birthday ruined by bed bugs and having a company continuously deny your claim … well, that sounds like the least amount of fun ever. It’s understandable why this Princess cruise customer was bugging out — too soon?

The Best Part Was When It Was Over

“Pros: coming back home!!!

Cons: food, miserable staff, small rooms with no windows, boring entertainment, horrible drinks!!!!

Next time, we're using Disney cruise lines.” — Bear F.

When the biggest “Pro” on a list of “Pros and Cons” is that the cruise is over and you get to come back home, that’s not good. It’s pretty clear that this Carnival cruise customer had a terrible experience.

A Crappy Situation

“I just read how Princess cruise line was fined $40 million for illegally dumping their poopy waste water!!!! I feel so VINDICATED on my Yelp review — thank you YELP. I guess all of my complaints really helped bust this horrible company. PLEASE don't EVER cruise on Princess cruise line.” — Jennifer C.

With a name like Princess Cruises, you might expect there to be royalty or even a throne. But, from the sounds of it, the cruise line was royally littering the ocean with the goods that everyone on the ship parted with on their, ahem, personal ceramic thrones.

Dodging the Obese and Obscene ‘Mericans’

“It's like taking a holiday at Macy's while it rocks from side to side. Dodging the obese and obscene ‘Mericans’ while trying to plow down enough drinks to make your ‘package’ worth it and make the aforementioned go away. Crowds and more crowds only to get off in some scrappy little port with, uh, TAH-DAH, more crowds. Total and complete misery. It was like being the back end of the proverbial costume horse, and the front end has gas.

"Oh, and watch how much food gets wasted because it's ‘all-included.’ That's not convenience, listen up hospitality people, that's grotesque practices in waste, which could feed thousands. Disgusting. Truly an endeavor for the criminally insane. Enjoy your trip!” —Robert C.

There’s so much that clearly rubbed this reviewer of the Cape Liberty Cruise Port the wrong way. Between feeling like he’s stuck in “the back end of the proverbial costume horse, and the front end has gas” to concluding that going on a cruise like this is “truly an endeavor for the criminally insane,” it feels pretty safe to conclude they likely won’t be cruising again anytime soon.

Contracting a Virus Is So Blah

“This is the first time I've been on a Carnival cruise. (I've cruised with Royal Caribbean 3 or 4 times). Very disappointed, food was not good, food service was lacking, and I contracted a norovirus on the last night. Blah.” — K.C.

The casual nature with which this reviewer discusses their disappointments and then throws in the fact that they contracted a debilitating virus on the last day is mind-boggling. If only everybody was so “blah” about contracting norovirus...

Better Off in a Paddleboat

“Garbage. Total waste of money and rude staff to boot. Suggest Norwegian or Princess or better off in a paddleboat in your own pool than with these morons. Wished we never booked the trip when the staff was rude and incompetent during check-in. Then, they proceeded to lie to us over and over about various issues that just seemed to keep showing up out of nowhere. Less than 24 hours into it, and we were praying for it to be over.

"Obviously, this company stays in business by hiring incompetent staff at their U.S. locations and hiring foreign workers onboard for slave wages. This company should be boycotted for indecent labor practices and treating their customers like pieces of meat!” — freeman s.

If after this Carnival cruise experience, you feel like you would have had more fun “in a paddleboat in your own pool than with these morons,” it obviously wasn’t what you hoped to get out of the experience. Paddle boats are fun, sure, but cruises are supposed to be way more fun.

The Tale of Two Broken Ribs

“My husband and I have done many cruises with Norwegian, and in the past, it was enjoyable. We took an Alaskan cruise last October that turned out to be overbooked. There evidently were so many on this trip that they filled in the dining room with extra chairs by the booths sticking out in the walking paths. On the first morning out, as my husband tried to make his way through this encumbered path, he tripped over the chair sticking out, fell against the table and broke 2 ribs. He spent the rest of the trip in the ship's medical facility and in bed. He was in so much pain he never got off the ship. Our trip was a disaster.” — Judy M.

Two broken ribs?! We don’t really need to say much more than that this Norwegian cruise sounded painful.

Customer Service Is Nonexistent

“3rd cruise with Royal Caribbean... 1st on Allure. By far, the worst cruising experience ever. The staff, in general, is horrible. Customer service is nonexistent... I saw a server snap at a guest on Day 1 of the cruise. Personally... I had a massage booked for 4:30. Therapist shows up 20 minutes late and wonders why I'm upset. Manager chases me as I leave ... like I wanna discuss how u wasted my time ... on vacation.” — Jason H.

It seems like the early impressions of ship life were already tense for this reviewer. Both seeing a server snap on a guest on the very first day and having a massage therapist show up well after the massage is supposed to begin aren’t positive impressions.

“Well, Blow Me Down!”

“Power went off on Disney Fantasy. Crew has no idea how to handle the situation. Captain is no doubt a graduate of Popeye’s navigating school. No seating for dinners for more than half the passengers, and the staff that normally takes care of you at dinner are pretending they don't know. Such a huge organization to s**t the bed so bad. Use them at your own risk.” — John C.

It’s understandable that sometimes things go wrong. But it’s unnerving if a power outage on a cruise ship causes such chaos, and nobody knows what to do. Especially considering a quick power outage certainly isn’t the worst thing that can go wrong at sea. Hopefully, though, the captain who is supposedly “a graduate of Popeye’s navigating school” can grab a can of spinach and muscle through any seafaring challenge.

'Doughnut’ Mess With This Reviewer’s Doughnuts

“I'm one-starring a cruise line? Why would I do that? Well, first off, this is a review on the doughnuts of the ship, and not the cruise line (I'm not a fan of cruises to begin with, but that's beside the point and this review). I got two types of doughnuts, a vanilla-glazed doughnut and a caramel-filled doughnut. Now, the food here had been slightly underwhelming, as far as I'm concerned, so I didn't expect much with these doughnuts.

"Sadly enough, these doughnuts were lower than those expectations. The vanilla glaze was very flavorless and felt like white gloop spread on the doughnut. Sprinkles did not help this doughnut at all. The caramel in the caramel-filled doughnut didn't taste of caramel, and I can't actually tell what it was supposed to taste like, other than it didn't taste good.” — John N.

While most people are focusing on various elements of the services and services provided on a Royal Caribbean cruise, this reviewer clearly has a one-track mind. The fact that they tried almost every doughnut from vanilla glaze to caramel to sprinkles and found them all disappointing is actually pretty impressive. So, if you choose your cruise lines based on their doughnut taste and selection, be sure to heed this review.

Classy T-Shirt Dinners

“Super disappointed with our cruise on the Grandeur of the Seas … we usually cruise with Celebrity and thought we would give Royal a chance. The food is subpar. The boat is subpar. The service is subpar. Everything is subpar compared to other cruise lines we have sailed with. Our room's closet carpeted floor was soaking wet the whole cruise and smelled of mildew. But what really disappointed me the most was the lack of enforcement of the dress codes. On formal nights, you had couples in the main dining room in jeans and T-shirts.” — Jim R.

If everything else had been acceptable, maybe this reviewer wouldn’t have minded the more casual atmosphere during the fancy dinner situations. But if everything is already feeling pretty icky, it’s understandable that not seeing anyone care about anything — from the food to the smells to their own clothing — can be frustrating.

I Love the Smell of Sewage in the Morning

“WARNING! Do not sail on the Golden Princess. This ship needs to be put out to pasture … or blown up. We paid for a mini-suite with a balcony. The smell of sewage was so bad that we never were able to use our balcony or even open the window. There were several days that the smell was also in our room and in the hallway. We had to sit on deck all day … in Alaska.

"We complained every day and were told there was nothing they could do about it. We have written letters and emails to the corporate office and they couldn't care less. Once you pay for their cruise, they couldn't care less about you … or apparently if you ever cruise again. P.S. We also had to walk into Skagway to buy our own milk since the milk on the ship curdled in our coffee!” — Allison W.

For this reviewer, the Golden Princess doesn’t even deserve a bronze metal. Having “to sit on deck all day … in Alaska” just to attempt to avoid the smells in your living quarters only to have sewage waft downwind certainly isn’t an experience anyone wants. No wonder a one-star review felt in order here.

Bad Princess! Very Bad!

“If only there was a zero. The experience I had was horrible. I was told I could use a copy of my birth certificate by an agent over the phone. Drove 7 hours. Checked my luggage. Attempt to check-in. They advised I couldn't use a copy and no exceptions. Well that's fine. Asked for my luggage back. Waited 4 hours and still no luggage. I had to leave my luggage and pay for its return. Ugh! I understand the proper document protocol. But everybody working there is not on the same page when it comes to protocols. Bad Princess! I recommend you choose another cruise line.” — Lisa B.

When your frustrations are so simple they can be summed up in the same type of language you use when scolding a pet, that’s not a good sign. This reviewer seemed to really want to do everything right but got all sorts of conflicting information that made it difficult to really enjoy the experience.

Mysterious Stains and Lackadaisical Childcare

“Room was so dirty when we arrived. Huge yellow stain on the bed, short black hairs all over the bed, toenail clippings on the floor. Asked for room to be clean we left to use family harbor lounge and came back because they said it was ‘clean.’ No change — SERIOUSLY nasty. I would rather wait for it to be cleaned. Clearly, they don't change sheets between guests. If we wouldn't have said something, they would have let us sleep on them [...] Childcare was odd to me that no parents were allowed to walk back to drop off, check on or pick up. Maybe that is Carnival standard with childcare but I personally like to make sure my little one is OK with a stranger. Staff seemed nice but process was poor… ” — Chastity B.

Believe it or not, this review was actually much longer. If your first impression of your cruise quarters is a “huge yellow stain on the bed, short black hairs all over the bed,” and “toenail clippings on the floor,” it’s understandable you might have some questions about your cabin’s cleanliness. But it’s even more disturbing on a different level that parents weren’t allowed to walk back to “drop off, check on or pick up” their child. The fact that the childcare wasn’t clearly regulated isn’t as easily fixed as a dirty bedsheet and is significantly more unnerving.

Enough Is Enough

“Rooms are dirty and old. Food was bland and cold. Monarch of the Seas never again.” — Mark O.

While some people err on the side of loquaciousness, others understand that just a few economical sentences can get the point across just as efficiently. Nobody wants dirty and old rooms or bland and cold food. So, there's really no need to have more than 16 words to get the point across that this Royal Caribbean cruise was subpar at best.

Bugging Out

“I was on the Construction cruise (Norwegian Sun). Everything you have read about them is true and some. I found a bug in my salad in the buffet. Food was the worst of all the cruises have been on. Please get a new chef!!” — Jonathan B.

This reviewer wanted to emphasize that the cruise rumors, whatever those may be, are true. Anything you may previously have read about the cruises, for those who divulge in that sort of light reading, is true and then some. But the real kicker for this review is the fact that there was a bug in the buffet salad. Though you may be willing to try new foods while traveling, it has to be on your terms and not an accidental oversight.

Less Than Special

“Sitting in my cabin, I booked a package for the ‘special’ restaurants on Azumi was certainly not special.” — Roy S.

Of all the reasons to give a one-star review, not feeling special when you’re promised a special experience was enough for this Royal Caribbean reviewer. If you’re going to call something special, you’d better make it special. And if it is not, you’d better prepare yourself for a one-star review.

Not So Short and Not So Sweet

“Love the smell of sewage? Love sticky surfaces? Love crappy food that's barely passable for human consumption? If so, then THIS is the cruise for you! We just got back from a 3-day cruise to Ensenada for a friend's bachelor party. If 10 guys in their 20s are complaining about the quality of food and cleanliness of the boat, then you know it's pretty bad. Thankfully, we're all troopers and still had a blast but beware.

I'll keep this short and sweet...

Food: 4 out of 10 (the only saving grace is the dinners at night. Otherwise, you better get ready to live off of disgusting eggs, hamburgers, hot dogs, pizza and soft-serve ice cream).

Boat: 2 out of 10 (The entire boat literally smelled like either sewage or mildew. My sheets had a disgusting yellow stain on them, and every single surface of the boat was sticky).

Staff: 6 out of 10 (Most of them are nice enough but you can tell that behind the smile, they're dead inside. I don't know how they put up with half the idiots that were on the boat. They did, however, lose a few points for the bartenders walking around. Doesn't matter how many drinks you have at your table, they will always bug you to buy more).

Boat Atmosphere: 5 out of 10 (Club was fun and the Casino was OK. We didn't go to any of the shows, but I hear they're OK. People onboard are a mixed bag. I would never bring kids or a date/spouse on this cruise unless they're incredibly desensitized).

Value: 5 out of 10 (Free food but EXPENSIVE drinks. Double vodka crans were running me over $17 a piece. This added up fast so if you're a heavy drinker, bring a few bottles with you or be prepared to pay. My bar tab was around $400 for the trip).

Ensenada: 3 out of 10 (Ensenada is SKETCHY and really dirty).” — John R.

Despite the fact that the reviewer promises to “keep this short and sweet,” there’s a lot about this Carnival cruise experience that was documented here to complain about. Not good!

Great for (Accidental) Weight Loss!

“If I could give negative stars I would. This was the worst vacation I've ever had! The food was awful; the ship smelled. I can say that, if you want to lose weight, go on this cruise line because every bite is garbage and I didn't even want to eat. We were on the Adventure of the Seas in October 2015 in the East Caribbean. Not to mention the islands were awful and dirty and people just wanting to rip you off. I feel vindicated when I hear people say, ‘Well, you've made up my mind. I was thinking about going on a cruise, but now I know I won't.’" — Heath P.

If you’re worried that having access to all-you-can-eat buffets might make you gain weight while you’re cruising, this one-star review seems to promise just the opposite. Saying the cruise line is great “ if you want to lose weight” isn’t speaking very highly of the food options. Clearly, this reviewer was hoping for anything other than the food that they considered to be “garbage” and “didn’t even want to eat.” In the unlikely event they ever choose to cruise again, they’ll probably pack some snacks.

Quite a Misnomer

“Well, first of all, the ship should be called the Carnival NIGHTMARE, not Dream. If I could I wouldn't put any stars. We both came back with a whooping cough from the MOLD! Don't go to the doctor on ship; they charge $125 plus prescriptions and DON’T take insurance! The longest lines were at the customer service because internet didn't work even though they argued it did. They ADD phantom charges to your bill, so keep your eyes open. Broken and cracked windows on decks. Smells of MOLD.” — Analiza S.

The fact that this cruise was named the Carnival Dream really seemed to bother this one-star reviewer more than anything. Everything she describes sounds like something out of a nightmare, which happens to be the very word she uses multiple times throughout her review. If you’re getting "a whooping cough," though, we can understand why you'd use it.

Left Out in the Cold

“Worst ship ever. Made to walk stairs. Still sitting for an hour in freezing cold. No luggage, no food, no drinks. Just sitting to get sick and have a horrible trip. Thanks Royal Caribbean.” – Dawn S.

From the sounds of this review, this cruise was more of a test of someone’s willpower than a relaxing vacation. Surely at some point, the cruisers were given access to warmth, proper luggage, food and drinks. But if they were kept outside for so long that the experience is all this one-star reviewer noted, that’s not a good start to an adventure.

Can’t Even Give Them Money

“They have the absolute worst, most annoying website in the history of mankind ... I booked a cruise with a deposit and am now trying to pay the balance ... there is not a link that allows me to do so — nor do they address it in their FAQ.” —Dennis A

A good majority of the people who gave one-star reviews that were money-oriented were upset that they couldn’t get some sort of refund from the cruise company for whatever reason. But this reviewer was upset that he couldn’t give Norwegian money in order to fully book the cruise. Sometimes, it’s difficult to please everyone.

Not Fit for Human Consumption

“The food was terrible, the pool and hot tub close at 10, and the hot tub was lukewarm?? I thought this was a vacation ... the ship is boring, and when we used the shuttle service provided by the ship, we waited 45 mins for a bus to pick us up … and did I mention the food was terrible? Buffet, the Black Crab restaurant, the breakfast ... I would not feed this crap to my dog. This was a terrible cruise line to take. You’re better off renting a rowboat and rowing to each port, at least this way you know what you're getting yourself into.” — Thomas P.

This MSC Cruises reviewer definitely mentions the food was terrible! After all, dogs will eat anything. And this person felt it was so terrible that he “would not feed this crap to [his] dog,” but how bad could it really be?

Give the Gift of Wasted Time

“So, been on hold for two days trying to make a reservation. Only sailing NCL because it was a gift. Some gift.” — Bea R.

If you can’t even get a hold of someone to book the reservation, that’s probably a bad sign. Even if the person who gave the gift of a Norwegian cruise to their friend had good intentions (and they probably did), it sounds like it was a headache long before the cruise even began. We don’t even want to know what the trip was like.

Who Goes to Haiti?

“Never ever again! Service was terrible. They changed ports due to weather. Haiti? Who goes to Haiti? Room had some working issues. And they charge for everything! This is our first and last cruise.” — Terry S.

It can be totally frustrating when ports change mid-cruise. You have your sights and hopes set on one location, only to be rerouted to another like this disgruntled Royal Caribbean cruise customer from Miami. But, to be fair … lots of people actually do go to Haiti.

Febreeze: Now With Raw Sewage Scent!

“Just returned from a three-day Mexico cruise on the Golden Princess. Our SUITE smelled like raw sewage, and the staff did nothing to correct the smell (other than spray Febreeze). Food was average at best. The purser's desk was filled with incompetent people. I'm sorry doesn't cut it!” — David T.

Febreeze can work wonders for covering up smells. But when the smell is something structural like mold or sewage, well, even Febreeze has its limits. And this Princess cruiser learned that lesson the hard way.

Please, Please, Please Heed this Review

“ZERO STARS!!! AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL. Please don't waste your money on this company … you will want it all back. The absolute worst vacation of my life, worst food, HORRIBLE customer service, a lot of FALSE/MISLEADING ADVERTISING. I could literally go on and on.

Just don't do it. Spend your money on Carnival or Royal Caribbean. Please.” — Melissa M.

Ahhhh, if only you could give zero stars on Yelp. Usually, people review to give others an account of what happened to them and leave the reader to make a better-informed decision thanks to this new information. Based on this MSC reviewer’s passion, however, they genuinely are pleading for you to take their words to heart.

Apparently, Zombies Make Bad Pizza

“Pizza. They cannot make moderately average-tasting pizza. Added bonus. No pizza for between 6 p.m. and 10 p.m. unless you order (and pay) room service. Yes, there is much more to a cruise than pizza. However, this pizza issue is reflective of the overall poor and low quality of the food.

Some food is made with love. This pizza, as all the food on the cruise, was made with absolute indifference. Some of the staff are nice, others are like zombies.

While I am not a die-hard cruiser, many who are around me described the cruise food as well below average. I would select another ship and cruise line.” — Fred K.

Some people go on cruises for the views. Some go to experience a number of new cities. Others enjoy getting away and having everything they need in a small space with no driving or craziness around them. But this Norwegian Cruise Line reviewer … they cruise for the pizza. And this pizza did not give them all the feels.

Outdated Paper Trail

“After taking one uneventful cruise with Princess out of San Fran, I of course keep getting their brochures. Look on the company's extensive website, and you will not be able to unsubscribe. Can you imagine, getting this waste of paper in the mail monthly? I will call customer service and request an unsubscribe status. Will update this. No free internet on-board Princess because they say it is too expensive on the ocean. It's the 21st century folks.” — Sandy D.

Be careful what cruise you take because you may never be able to escape the experience — even long after you’ve returned. The brochures just keep coming. And if you want to opt out of any sort of marketing — internet or otherwise — good luck doing so on the ocean because the Wi-Fi is too pricey. So, if you take a trip like this reviewer with a Princess cruise out of San Francisco, you may find yourself soon covered in physical paper and unable to escape into the digital world.

Pirate Adventures Aren’t as Fun When You’re an Adult

“This place is the worst for adults. I get the gimmicks for kids, but this place is the worst booze cruise I have ever been on. First, for $45, I don't mind bringing my own booze but to also pay for cups seems a bit excessive. I was willing to overlook the whole paying for everything type of set-up.

The worst part is the music. This boat does not have top 40’s music unless we traveled back in time to the early 2000s. It was my friend's birthday, and that is why we decided to board this booze cruise. We wanted to hear a song for her, and they told us we needed to pay the captain $20. And they wanted to see the money before they would PLAY ONE SONG. This was the craziest thing I have ever heard. If you wanna take a booze cruise, take the Mai Tai catamaran or ANY OTHER BOOZE CRUISE, BUT NOT THIS ONE!!” — Ashleigh P.

Generally, larger cruise companies are good about making sure there’s enough for both kids and adults to enjoy on a cruise ship. But a smaller company that caters to children’s experiences, like this one out of Honolulu, may not be as good at the balance. After all, it calls itself a Pirate Ship Adventure. So, any adults who venture in expecting it to be booze-filled for them … ye be warned.