The Truth About Parenting Told Through Hysterical Memes
Parenting is the hardest gig in the world. The good news is that there are millions of people going through exactly the same thing. If you're currently in the middle of trying to get your little one to take a bath, to clean up his or her toys, to allow you to cook or just to let you breathe in peace, you need a laugh. Join other moms and dads who have resigned themselves to humor instead of tears.
Luckily for parents everywhere, there's a meme for every one of those struggles associated with raising those little monsters, sorry kids.
Beauty Is in the Eyes of the Baby-Holder
Becky Barnicoat’s illustrations feature a fair share of parenting and new-mom realities. One of her most popular is a realization that many parents come to after years, even though almost everyone else sees it instantly. We’re talking about none other than the cold truth that newborn babies can be ugly.
They have to be: They are wrinkled, covered in bodily fluids, and their skin is red and/or peeling. Only parental love can cover those “flaws.”
If you thought the Chandler character in “Friends” was the most awkward in front of the camera, could you be more mistaken?
Children are angelic and have the cutest faces, but turn a camera on them, and they bring out their inner demons. Even costume parties cannot fix it.
It’s good to get out of the house, they said. It’s healthy to take your child out for a walk, they said. It will give you fresh air and a chance to bond with your child, they said.
Except in most cases, the only bonding is your back with the ground as it vainly tries to support a heavy child who refuses to walk two steps after suggesting the walk in the first place. “They” clearly never had kids.
Advise Me Not!
Any first-time parent knows that, from the time the pregnancy is announced, their lives will be a daily combination of joy, expectation and a healthy dose of unsolicited advice. New moms especially tend to be a magnet for advice from family, friends and any other mother/parent they happen to meet.
Eyebrows are raised, suggestions are made, prying questions are asked and everything seems open for public debate! At least, it’s free!
There’s something about kids; they lie with absolute confidence. Did you leave the lights on? No! Did you feed your veggies to the dog? No! Do you have to poop? No!
This is followed by that familiar smell that all parents know heralds a poop attack, even if the child is potty trained. Then comes a parental dilemma: wash the clothes or just throw them away?
Many an argument has been fought over pants: Put them on, take them off, don’t stain them, don’t sit in the mud with them and so on. If you’re the parent of a boy, most of these revolve around getting him to remove his hands from his pants.
And when that blessed moment finally arrives, reminding him to wash his hands before he touches anything else, least of all a person.
The Clock’s A-Ticking
Ever tried getting the kids ready to leave for an outing or school or just out of the house? It’s a process that begins hours before and usually ends with one parent dragging the kid out by the ears.
This is the job of one unlucky parent, who will struggle to find last-minute stuff needed for the outing, while in the car, the other parent is honking and screaming, “What’s taking you so long?” It’s called parenting — deal with it.
Parents just don’t understand why a kid will spend hours in the shower and come out looking the same as before they went in.
They just seem to hang out there, wasting water and not touching any soap or shampoo but getting the whole floor and the towels wet. Fair warning: It only gets worse as they get older!
If you’re a parent, you’ve fallen for a hoax, easily. The one thing that sustains you through the day: The kids will tire themselves out, and you may get some precious hours to yourself to eat, bathe or just sleep.
But come night, and there’s bedtime drama. Just remember, mom sleep is like regular sleep (without the sleep).
Effective Birth Control
For parent who thought the terrible threes were the worst of it, teenagers will come as a huge shock.
It’s why this advice makes sense: Start them off with a baby who needs to be potty trained, moved on to a rambunctious kid about to start school and end with a snotty teenager. Lesson learned!
A parent will spend more on their children than on themselves. It’s not only a selfless thing, kids are expensive!
And they start racking up the bills even as tiny babies. At least it’s all tax deductible, right?
Tell a kid not to do something, and it becomes their life’s mission to do just that. “I’m being careful” is usually followed by howls of pain.
In no other instance does this old saying ring truer: “It’s always fun and games until somebody gets hurt.”
As a new mother, it’s good to keep in mind that sometimes you wind up raising two kids: your child and your husband.
The dad's whole parenting deal typically involves being the fun, cool one, while you are stuck disciplining the kids and making them eat vegetables.
Raising the Bar
There’s always someone whining, crying, poop left where it shouldn’t be, leftover food littering tables and more noise than you can handle.
You are the forever designated driver or caretaker. In other words, you will never miss going to the bar again.
A Promise Is a Promise
Children have phenomenal memories. They will forget where they kept their other sock or the toys they were just playing with, but they will remember that one time you promised them candy before bedtime, while simultaneously reversing the car and trying to ensure your groceries and child don’t fall out of it.
And they will hold you to it.