Hilarious Realities of Spying on Your Kids

We interviewed childcare experts and reviewed some funny spying stories from parents to bring you the latest on why you should and shouldn't spy on your kids.

Why You Should (and Shouldn’t) Spy on Your Kids

Spying on your kids used to be so much easier. There were only a handful of easy ways to covertly check up on your child, including picking up the other phone while they gabbed with a friend or reading their diary while they were at soccer practice.

But as technology continually evolves, strangers have more access to our kids than ever before. With these advances, there have been new concerns for parents as well as new opportunities to keep tabs on kiddos.

Still, some parents wonder: Should you be spying on your kids? The short answer: yes, but within reason and not secretly. We interviewed childcare experts and reviewed some funny spying stories from parents to bring you the latest on why you should and shouldn't spy on your kids.

Trust Is Everything

Every expert we interviewed said the same thing: Trust is vital. So, yes, you should spy on your kids a bit, but you must be upfront about it.

The goal is not to find them hiding something, but instead to create an environment that is safe enough for them to feel comfortable trusting you with private information or potentially scary situations.

What the Experts Say

"I urge parents to be transparent with their children about monitoring whenever possible: Trust works both ways, and children who feel their privacy is being unnecessarily violated may be reluctant to confide in their parents," says child therapist Katie Lear, LPC.

“Emphasize that the rules you put in place about technology are there to protect them, not punish them,” says Dr. Beth Robinson, the author of “Protecting Your Child from Predators: How to Recognize and Respond to Sexual Danger.” “Hopefully, you started the discussions about technology when they were younger, and they expect you to monitor their use of technology to help keep them safe.”

Get Help From a Friendly Elf

If you are looking for a fun way to get the kids used to the idea of institutions (the NSA), companies (Facebook, Amazon, Google) and people (you) tracking them, bring in the festive spy: The Elf on The Shelf.

This festive friend is known for his spying capabilities, and for some reason, kids love him. Parents typically introduce him around the Christmas holiday season to trick their kids into being chill for a month. But no one says you can’t use the elf’s skills year-round.

Keep Tech in Central Spaces

One way to avoid overt spying on your kids while also keeping tabs on their tech usage is to place electronics in central spaces in your home.

The same rule could apply for tablets, game consoles and smartphones. We all think we need to have our cellphone next to us 24/7, but unless you’re a brain surgeon (and your kid most definitely is not), then it is unlikely we need to have it next to us while we sleep. Countless studies show that placing a phone in another room to charge overnight will only help you sleep better.

What the Experts Say

"I encourage parents to place computers in public areas of the house, rather than in children’s bedrooms, to increase visibility," says child therapist Katie Lear, LPC. "The internet is different and poses more risks for children today than any previous generation."

Take Credit

Some folks don’t like the idea of The Elf on the Shelf or Santa spying on their kids year-round. Why should these guys get all the credit when parents have to do all the spying and all the shopping?

Listen, learning TikTok and Snapchat are about as easy as putting a bicycle together at 2 a.m. on Christmas Eve. So, you might as well get the credit for both.

Invest in an App

Let technology work for you. Instead of reading every text your kid sends — boring! — invest in an app that monitors their stuff and only alerts you if something significant comes up.

What the Experts Say

"I recommend investing in a monitoring app like Bark that screens children’s computer use for keywords related to bullying and inappropriate content, and alerts parents of anything potentially dangerous," Lear says. "This way, parents do not have to read their child’s every word but still have some safeguards in place."

The Kids Know

We hate to break the news to you, but our kids are smarter than us when it comes to figuring out technology.

Being open and honest about how you monitor your kids via tech builds trust and makes it less awkward when they eventually catch you spying on them like this poor dad experienced.

Don’t Underestimate Your Kid

Yes, we are all slightly (or severely) addicted to our smartphones. And our kids are no different. But sometimes parents forget just how much time their kids spend online — and not only via their phones.

“A Pew Research study in 2018 found that 95 percent of teens have access to a smartphone, and 45 percent say they are online almost constantly,” according to Dr. Robinson. “Ninety percent of teens say they play video games on a computer, game console, or cellphone. Game consoles also provide access to the Internet and social media.”

What the Experts Say

Diana Graber, tech expert and author of “Raising Humans in a Digital World: Helping Kids Build a Healthy Relationship with Technology,” reminds parents that their kids are always better at tech than them.

“By the time kids reach their teenage years, most will be adept at finding ways to interact online that you won’t know about,” she says. “Remember the story of the girl who supposedly used the family refrigerator to get online?”

Be Prepared for Some Hard Truths

Hopefully, your kid’s tech habits don’t lead to such brutal commentary like the message this poor dad received. But it’s always good to be prepared to face some hard truths, as your kids age and start sharing their joys and fears with their friends and family.

Any childcare expert will tell you that pausing and reflecting on what you found is ideal, opposed to demanding your kid explain why they said what they said. But parents should also consider if every comment needs to be addressed. In the same way that you wouldn’t rush out onto the soccer field to help your kid kick a goal the first time they missed it, you might want to consider giving them some space sometimes to see how they handle certain situations. If you’ve installed the right monitoring software and consistently remind your kids that they can talk to you about anything, you won’t miss a big event anyway.

Don’t Call It Spying

In an effort to keep your kids from overreacting about you monitoring their internet and electronics usage is to not refer to what you’re doing as “spying.”

“There is a difference between an overbearing parent versus a proactive one. I think the word ‘spying’ is harsh. I call it parental monitoring,” says Reena Patel, a parenting expert and psychologist.

What the Experts Say

Having a conversation with your kids about your intentions will reduce their fears and the negative connotations around the extra monitoring.

“Teach them how to navigate as they grow and develop their autonomy,” she says.

Kids Crave Privacy, Too

Kids are just tiny adults, so, of course, they crave privacy as much as we do.

And some kids are going to demand an extra level like this kid who can’t handle having his fish see him in a compromised position.

Stranger Danger

Nearly every law expert and well-informed parent will tell you that the main reason you want to keep tabs on your children is that there are criminals who spend all their time targeting kids online. A quick scan of any crime stories on a news site will only confirm this sad fact of life.

“I can’t imagine a bigger nightmare than having my children abducted because they were lured into meeting a stranger they met online,” says Bryan Truong, dad and Founder of GameCows. “So yeah, I check their devices regularly, and it’s very easy to justify.”

What the Experts Say

Dr. Patel echoes this sentiment. “One of our primary jobs as a parent is to keep our children safe. One of the biggest dangers can come through your child’s smart device,” she says. “Smart devices are the top way predators attempt to develop relationships with them.”

Due to her extensive counseling experience with traumatized children, Dr. Robinson works to protect kids from predators. “The key to keeping your teens safe online is to talk with them and explain to them the dangers of interacting with people they do not know online or of people getting information about them online,” Dr. Robinson says.

You Might Hear Something Questionable

We’re not entirely sure how a four-year-old knows about cannibalism, but we’re glad their mom is listening in on their conversations.

Thank goodness cake exists; otherwise, this tweet could have been even more troubling.

Friend Your Kids on Social Media

In addition to talking to your kids early about tech and its potential risks, Dr. Robinson suggests letting them know that you’ll be friending (or following) them on whatever social media sites they use.

If you receive pushback, remind your kids you’ve been on the planet much longer than they have and so you’re better equipped to spot potential dangers and folks targeting them. Explain how by letting you keep an eye on things, they’ll have more time to have fun online, which is what they should be doing anyway since they are kids.

What the Experts Say

“A 2016 Pew Research Center survey found that only about half of parents said they had ever checked their children’s phone calls and text messages or even friended their kids on social media,” Dr. Robinson says.

Can’t Hang if You Aren’t Friends

Let big tech’s spying agenda help you out by suggesting your kids spend more time with you.

Facebook can’t guilt your children into taking you to dinner if you aren’t friends with them on the platform.

Sign Up for Tech Seminars

Most tech stores (Apple, Microsoft, etc.) host weekly free classes that go through different techniques and provide tips and tricks for all. It is worth checking out what your local store offers to see if anything would be helpful for you or your kid.

Local police and sheriff’s offices will also come to schools routinely to lead technology seminars for parents and kids. Check with your school and community centers to see what is available.

What the Experts Say

If you can’t make it to an in-person class, consider using the internet to figure out what precautions your family can take to avoid dangerous and uncomfortable situations online.

Tech expert Graber is the founder of Cyberwise.org and Cybercivics.com, two online safety organizations that offer countless resources for parents.

Sometimes, You Won’t Have to Spy

Sometimes, you won’t even have to spy on the kids because they’ll want to access their videos from the comfort of your lap. But it will still be worth your time to set up the parental controls on all their devices.

Before you know it, they’ll be watching/chatting/tweeting by themselves.

Draft a Tech Contract

Many of the tech and childcare experts we spoke with told us that drafting a tech contract with your kid could improve the relationship families have with their devices while also creating an additional opportunity to talk about their experiences online.

If you type in “tech contracts for kids,” you’ll find countless resources that provide excellent templates for your family. It is essential to work on the agreement together and take your kids’ feelings and thoughts into consideration.

What the Experts Say

This contract from Psychology Today provides a basic framework that allows for flexibility and customization based on your kids' ages and your family’s use of technology.

“Set aside a time to fill it in together, edit it or use it as a jumping-off point for discussion. Each family is different, so each contract will be, too,” writes Sean Grover, a psychotherapist and author of “When Kids Call the Shots: How to Seize Control From Your Darling Bully and Enjoy Being a Parent Again. “Remember, the contract is not a punishment but a way to set healthy screen time boundaries for everyone in your family, including parents.”

This Mom Needs a Tech Contract

This mom is so generous that her kids are flush in tech toys. Perhaps a tech contract that outlines what good grades they need to get to access said tech would be helpful.

After all, if the response about the kid who has no supplies at home can figure out how to access computers for free, then we can all be a bit more mindful of our time online.

Make It Positive

Just because you’re monitoring their lives, doesn’t mean it needs to be a hassle or a negative experience.

“It affords you the opportunity to ‘catch’ them doing good behaviors, making good choices and problem-solving, but it also informs what behaviors need your intervention or to create some rules or expectations or limits moving forward,” says Carrie Krawiec, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Birmingham Maple Clinic.

What the Experts Say

Graber echoes this concept. Conversations about tech don’t have to be negative.

“Let your children know that you will be taking a look at their online interactions, whether you use internet filtering and/or monitoring software, or just do it the old-fashioned way, by looking at their devices,” she says. “But please look at their devices together and discuss what they are doing online. You might be surprised to discover that your kids will want to discuss their online lives with you!”

Not Every Kid Gets Stranger Danger

Not every kid feels or understands stranger danger.

We imagine this kid probably wouldn’t think twice about chatting with a stranger online — especially if they’re beautiful.

Peer Pressure Is Real

Let’s be honest, kids have a hard time sharing experiences of strangers contacting them or bullying from other kids or peer pressure.

So, it’s important to be cautious of their friends and even their friends’ parents.

What the Experts Say

“As the mother of three adult sons, one thing I learned through the years is that children are bombarded daily with pressures to break bad and stray away from the right path,” says Robyn Flint, a mental health counselor. “Let’s assume for a moment that your child is on the straight and narrow. You should still be leery of their friends, their friends’ parents and stranger danger. Be smart, folks. Spy on your children because it is your job to protect them — from others and themselves.”

Not all Spying Is Digital

While we’re moving further into tech advances, it’s essential to consider checking up on your kid and their real-life activities, too.

Who knows what job they’ve signed themselves up for via neighborhood signs?

Bullying Can Ruin Lives

Most people have a memory of being teased as a kid. But as tech has become an integral part of our lives, we’ve seen bullying take off in new ways.

There’s a strong connection between bullying and suicide, which is the third-leading cause of death among young people, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Monitoring your kids’ online activity can allow you to step in if bullying exists.

Once kids get older and start dating, parents turn to Day One, a nonprofit that helps young people build safe and healthy relationships.

What the Experts Say

While no one wants to think about their kids dealing with dating abuse in a personal relationship, it happens to young teens all the time, especially in the forms of verbal, emotional or even technological.

Day One has several descriptions of these different types of abuse to help your child better understand what is and isn’t appropriate in a relationship. For instance, some examples of technical abuse include pressuring your kid to send explicit videos, unkindly tagging them in pictures on social media and stealing your kid’s technology passwords, to name a few.

You’ll Never Have to Worry About Parties

Some parents install the Ring cameras to ensure no one breaks into their homes.

But those smart devices can also be used to make sure unwanted guests didn’t destroy your house while you were away.