Worst Baby Names Parents Have Ever Picked
Making a human is a big deal. Naming one is, too. Strangely, it's harder to renew your license at the DMV or adopt a puppy than it is to do either of those momentous activities. People don't need to complete a course or get a permit to have a kid, but after reading these terrible baby names parents have chosen, we're wondering if they should.
The name you choose for your baby has more effects than you might imagine. A name influences how others will see your child and how your child will see themselves. That's a big deal! In an attempt to make their child's name unique or creative, some parents take it a step (or 10) too far.
If you're expecting, congratulations! But if you're considering one of these 50 worst baby names, maybe do some more thinking.
This is definitely one of the worst baby names possible, but more than one parent thought it was a good idea. According to data from 2017, 373 girls were named Abcde. It doesn’t have any special meaning or story; it’s just the first five letters of the alphabet.
Next thing you know, Gen Z parents will be key smashing and naming their kids Hjaegr or Aerlih. Still better than Abcde.
Moving on from Abcde, we have another alphabet-themed name. Maybe the parent who named their kid this had a name starting with Y, and they were still bitter about always going last at school because of being at the end of the alphabet.
Or maybe they just couldn’t think of anything.
Read it slowly. This one’s not pronounced “air-wrecka.” It’s Erica. Slightly altering a name to make it more unique or give it meaning is fine. Erika, for example.
But Airwrecka is just unnecessary, and poor Airwrecka will be spelling her name twice for people the rest of her life — not to mention it has a negative connotation of a plane wreck.
Seriously? Just go with Carson. Or Larsen. Why would you choose a name that’s about destroying public property, potentially starting wildfires and killing people in the process?
Arsonists are the worst. Don’t name your baby after them.
Bacardi would be a really cool-sounding baby name if it weren’t a brand of alcohol. What’s next, tequila? Old No. 7?
The word itself is cool, but let’s keep it classy.
To clarify, this wouldn’t be on the list of worst baby names if it were just a pet name. “Baby boy” and “baby girl” are perfectly nice, normal terms of endearment for your child.
Do you really want everyone else calling him or her that, too? We think not.
Look out, Lasagna and Salami! Your estranged cousin, Banana, is climbing the list here.
Banana was born in 1919 in England. We feel so bad for Banana. A great name for a monkey, sure, but not a human.
Bricks are great building materials, but building materials make some of the worst baby names. From Brick and Cinder to Woody, it’s tough to go right with this one.
Brick is also a jab at a person’s intelligence. Bullying is always the bully’s fault, but try not to add fuel to the fire.
Are your other children named pickup truck and beer? It’s not like you can name one kid Blue Jeans and the other Joshua. “Joshua, Ryan, Blue Jeans, it’s time for dinner!”
See? It doesn’t work.
Some terrible baby names are intentional. Others seem more like regrettable cases of misinformation.
Candida means “pure white,” but it’s also the scientific name for the type of fungal infection that causes the all-too-common yeast infection. It’s also responsible for thrush in babies.
Having kids is already welcoming chaos into your household.
Why ask for more?
Custard was the name of a dragon from a children’s book and the last name of a military sergeant, but it’s also an egg-based dessert. There’s a lot to love about sweets, but there’s no need to name your kid Rocky Road just because you love ice cream.
Custard also comes with no valid nicknames. It’s gonna be a no from us.
Denim is, admittedly, a very durable fabric, so maybe this is symbolic of resilience?
But as we already said with Blue Jeans, this is a hard pass.
It’s hard to believe, but Dorcas was once a popular name. It comes from the Bible, and it was all the rage in the early 1920s.
Other biblical names, like Sarah and Elizabeth, had a lot more staying power. We can’t imagine why.
We wish we could say that we’re surprised that this awful baby name originated in Alabama, but we’re not. In 1847, someone decided to name their child Drug. It wasn’t a nickname.
We can only imagine what this kid aspired to in his or her life. Yikes!
Fanta was really popular there for a while, but as a sugary, carbonated beverage, not a person. On the list of the worst baby names ever, this one wins the food-related category.
Fanta simply has no hope of not getting teased in middle school.
This terrible baby name sounds like a self-fulfilling prophecy waiting to happen. Just, why?
One kid named Fellony already went on to become a real felon, so maybe go with Melanie instead.
Just because it’s true doesn’t mean you have to call poor little Gassy out like that.
Name him Walter as a shoutout to “Walter the Farting Dog.” So much more subtle.
Naming a cat “Kitty” is fine. But that’s because it’s a cat. A cat really doesn’t care. A cat doesn’t have to introduce itself to friends and coworkers.
A person’s name, on the other hand, is one of the first pieces of information a kid will share with everyone they meet for their entire lives. In Iceland, this girl named Girl wasn’t even allowed to use her given name.
This might be the most egotistical baby name we’ve ever heard, and we can probably all agree that we don't need more people on this planet who think they’re God’s gift to mankind.
There are enough of those already.
Symbols and numbers aren't allowed to be used in names, but there's no reason you can't spell them out.
Some millennial parents really went there, naming their kid Hashtag. Their cousins are probably Comma, Ellipses and Emdash.
All babies wreak havoc on our lives a little. No need to rub it in.
Havoc sounds like the name of a chaotic child in a picture book, not a real person. Let’s keep this awful baby name a fictional one, please.
It’s very proper, we’ll give it that. It’s also one of the most ridiculous baby names ever.
What are the names of Henceforth’s siblings? “And So On” or “And So Forth?”
Well, first off, this is just inaccurate. After all ice (and therefore water) can't stain things.
But any name with the word "stain" in it, accurate or not, just doesn't sound very appealing.
It’s not entirely fair to include Kale on the list of the worst baby names. It’s a real name in Hawaii that means “strong and manly,” so if you live in Hawaii, it’s actually cool!
Everywhere else, people are probably going to assume that your kiddo is being raised by an ultra-crunchy mom who exclusively shops at Whole Foods and posts on Instagram about how much yoga has changed her life.
You have to be kidding. What’s wrong with just calling her Kaitlyn? There’s nothing wrong with being named Kaitlyn. It’s a nice name.
There’s no need to bring Roman numerals into the equation.
Lasagna is beautiful. We’re not going to deny it. We’re just also not going to serve our prize-winning lasagna to our prize-winning Lasagna.
This is a terrible baby name reserved for people with a cat named Garfield and a terrible sense of humor.
It’s like Katrina, but with an L. What makes this one of the worst baby names ever is that there’s a good chance that the parents who chose it had no idea how close it was to the name for a toilet.
Not everyone knows what a latrine is. But, apparently, not everyone knows what a vagina is either because someone named their baby that, too.
This terrible baby name is pronounced “my lady.” Yeah. Her kindergarten teacher will have to ask, “Do you need to use the bathroom, Milady?”
No, thank you.
Misery is a very emo name, we’ll give it that. It’s also incredibly depressing.
Imagine her in 25 or so years meeting her future in-laws. “Mom, Dad, meet Misery. She’s the light of my life.”
By far one of the worst baby names we’ve come across is “Mister.” As an affectionate nickname? Sure. As an actual legal name? Why? Do you hate your kid?
What if he becomes a teacher and the kids have to refer to him as Mr. Mister?
Musician Frank Zappa named his daughter Moon Unit. She was born before humans reached the moon, and she eventually came to terms with her unusual name.
Odd names seem to be easier to deal with for children of celebrities, though. If you’re an accountant considering naming your baby “Mars Rover,” proceed with caution.
We hate to ask, but we have to. Was this name a reference to Netflix and chill? Some babies are named Paris, London or Victoria after the location they were, ahem, made, but Netflix?
Let’s not lower the bar that far. It’s barely off the ground as it is.
Ever seen a business try to get a little too clever with their name and fail miserably? One family made that mistake.
The name Puzzle was born from a couple who struggled to conceive their third child. When they finally did, they considered her to be the missing piece of their family’s puzzle. Touching, but way too literal.
No. Just no. Sure, kids are a riot in a figurative sense, but the word carries a much heavier meaning, too.
It’s creative, to be sure, but let’s avoid naming kids after destructive social upheavals, shall we?
It’s like Alexis, only ballin’. Or stupid. Take your pick. In our opinion, if you can afford a Rolex, you probably don’t feel the need to name your baby after it.
If you have to compensate for something, don’t use your kid’s name to do it. Just buy a lifted Dodge pickup and call it a day.
This one earned its place on the list of terrible baby names because of its roots, not the way it sounds. It sounds beautiful. Sativa. Unfortunately, it’s also a type of marijuana.
While many states are embracing its recreational use, it’s heavily stigmatized in many other areas. What if your kid moves to a more conservative state and has to write “Sativa” on a job application? Hmm.
Do you see it yet? At first glance, Semaj seems like a name from a foreign language. Only it’s not. It’s James.
It’s literally just the name James spelled backward. Parents pulled this trick all the time during the ’90s. Think “Nevaeh,” and “Xela.” At least Nevaeh is pretty.
Of all the worst baby names around, this one isn’t really that bad. It’s highly eccentric, but there’s nothing inherently bad about it. If you want to name your kid Sparkly or Shimmery, go for it.
Naming them after glitter is a lot better than naming them after drugs or snack food.
We probably don't need to explain why this is one of the worst baby names ever. It’s in such remarkably poor taste.
Imagine the psychological trauma of having to take part in an active shooter drill at school, all with the name Shooter. Shudder.
If this were the name of a dog, we’d be cool with it. We’re guessing that the parents of this unfortunate baby chose this terrible baby name because they weren't permitted to name a child after a royal title, like Sir or Prince alone.
They got around the rule by smashing the two together. Ick.
Maybe her parents met at Taco Tuesday? If you didn’t know, a taqueria is a type of Mexican restaurant specializing in tacos.
They’re amazing, but you can definitely think of a more inspirational name. Your child can be many things in life. Crispy shouldn’t be one of them.
Great name for a car. Not such a great name for a kid. One of the worst baby names ever, actually.
Do you want her to have an electric personality? Or have an illustrious career in STEM? She can do that without being named after a vehicle. Why not just name her sister Toyota while you’re at it.
This sounds like a name a really tired environmental biologist would pick. Mom’s asleep. Dad’s rushing in to visit his new baby after finishing a study on toads.
The nurse needs a name to put on the birth certificate, stat. Dad’s got nothing. All he can think of is toads.
Quit naming kids after food. Are you planning on eating them? What kind of Hansel and Gretel nonsense is this? Quiche was born in the year 1900 in Ohio.
Hopefully, there was never a Quiche Jr. Do you think Quiche’s middle name was Lorraine? Not even Gordon Ramsay would be that cruel.
How much do you have to love your country to name your kid Uncle Sam? We have nothing against patriotism. We love America as much as the next guy.
But when we yell, “Uncle Sam!” at a family reunion, we’d prefer to be greeting our actual uncle, not a toddler.
What a cheesy name. If you’re going to name your kid after cheese, why not go with something classy? What about Brie? Blue? Camembert?
Velveeta is one of the worst baby names we’ve heard, but we’ll wager one thing: It was definitely a name given in the US. Non-Americans wouldn’t even eat Velveeta, let alone name their child after it.
Everyone learned to spell Wednesday by saying it in their heads as “Wed-nes-day.” One parent must have found a little more meaning in that particular spelling lesson as the rest of us.
A kid named Wednesday is unique enough, like the ever-grumpy Wednesday Addams. Quirky, but so cool. It really doesn’t need any spicing up.
In 1954, two different babies were named Window. Maybe their parents were best friends. Maybe their mothers imagined them as beautiful windows of opportunity.
When God closes a door, he opens a window? We have no idea, but there are two Windows now in their 60s.
Number 16 Bus Shelter
This one isn’t in alphabetical order, but we couldn’t resist saving the best for last. Someone legitimately named their child “Number 16 Bus Shelter.”
Somehow, New Zealand registration officials didn’t object. They did, however, nix “Fish and Chips” and “Sex Fruit.” Where do you think Number 16 Bus Shelter is now?