You Know You’re a Parent If...
Some experiences can only be understood by parents. Because the truth is, while these occurrences may seem strange to child-free folks, they are just part of our typical day-to-day lives. No longer do we bat an eyelash at things that would’ve once sent us into cardiac arrest.
For better or for worse, we’re desensitized to the utter chaos of life with kids. It might be madness, but it sure makes for some good conversation starters. Just make sure you’re talking to other parents — because no one else really wants to hear about what you found under your kid’s carseat this morning.
After all, what brings parents together better than the collective “been there, done that” ability to roll with the punches? So, let's take a look at some of those experiences, and we'll bet you know you’re a parent if...
What a Mess
You haven’t even brushed your teeth yet, but somehow, there’s been an incident. Whether it’s a potty-training toddler, a huge stinky diaper or a toilet bowl mishap, life with littles means you’re no stranger to cleaning up poop.
The good news is that this phase of parenting doesn’t last forever. But it certainly lasts longer than we’d like.
A Lesson in Communication
When you’re a parent, you don’t have time to talk on the phone. If you tried, you’d suddenly be more in demand than Oprah. Small people would suddenly take to climbing on you and begging you for snacks.
More than likely, most people have given up on calling you by now anyways because you never answer your phone. You simply text, like a normal person. Or, errr, a parent.
Socializing Isn’t a Thing, Right?
Unless you know of a wonderful coffee place that employs a full-time, balloon-animal artist, your coffee dates are probably few and far between. It’s pretty impossible to catch up with friends with little ones pawing at your feet.
The thing that accompanies you everywhere, though? Those lovely under-eye bags. Don’t worry. Sleep will find you eventually. Until then, there’s always concealer.
Well, Good Morning!
Your kids love you. In fact, they can’t get enough of you! That’s why you almost never wake up naturally.
You wake up with tiny faces staring directly into yours — warm morning breath and all.
Not Enough Choices
When you finally sit down to watch a show of your choosing, it’s all “PAW Patrol” and Marvel comics taking up the screen. Of course, your kids watch way more TV than you have time to, so you’ll be lucky just to sort through the cartoons in order to find a show that looks appealing.
More than likely, you’ll get too tired scrolling and just wind up watching “Friends” again for the thousandth time.
How Old Am I?
Whether it’s being tired all the time or just being in high demand, being a parent can seriously age you. You have knee aches, back aches and headaches, oh my!
Unfortunately, we parents don’t have all the time to cater to ourselves, and sometimes, that can leave us feeling a bit beyond our years.
A New Routine
Hitting the treadmill is great and all, but if you’re a parent, you’re basically doing a routine of cardio and weight-lifting on loop.
By the end of any given day, you’ve performed just about every exercise you can think of, from squats to bicep curls. So, give yourself a break.
What a Vacation
Hitting the grocery store without little ones pulling things off the shelves, tearing into boxes of crackers and trying to scan their butts in the self-checkout feels like a vacation to Bali.
But how would you know about Bali? The grocery store IS your Bali.
Goodnight, Little One
A bag of kitty litter. A tub of peanut-butter pretzels. A container of laundry detergent. If you’re carrying it, you’ve accidently tried to rock it to sleep.
Even if you’re long out of the baby stage, your body will always remember that sway that was endlessly necessary.
Goo Goo Gah WAIT!
Sometimes, we’re so darn used to talking to kids all day that our words end up coming out all wrong. We say things like “poo poo” and “hunny-bun.” Don’t feel bad.
If you’ve accidentally said “bye bye” or “potty” to an adult person, say, a parent at school drop-off, then you’re definitely a parent.
Rise and Shine
So long are the days of sleeping in on the weekend. In fact, weekends tend to always be the days when kids are up at the crack of dawn.
Slug that coffee down because if you’re a parent, you’ll be lucky to sleep until 8 a.m. on any given day.
Mastering Parent Reflexes
When we’re parents, our parent reflex gets pretty strong. That’s because we flex that muscle often.
When cold and flu season strikes, it’s all flying vomit and snot. So, put your hands up!
An Unexpected Role
No matter what you do, you always wind up holding everyone’s trash. From candy wrappers to used tissues to empty water bottles.
“I’m not a trash can!” you’ll find yourself shouting on the regular. Over time, you may start to doubt the accuracy of that statement.
Chores on Repeat
You wash, dry and fold, but still, the laundry pile prevails. The more little people live in your home, the harder it is to get out from under it.
The fact is, kids don’t keep clothes clean for very long. That means, until they can do their own, laundry is a constant part of your life.