Top Parenting Fails Brought to You by Twitter
While being a parent is often called the greatest job, it isn't always sunshine and cuddles.
Sometimes, being a parent means forgetting to make cupcakes for the school bake sale or sleeping in so far past your alarm that no one makes it to school or work that day.
Thanks to these parents, who were kind enough to share their epic failures on Twitter, you don't have to make these same mistakes.
Emma Inch shared her hilarious booze-themed fail saying: "Parenting fail #389: My five-year-old daughter (whilst eating her first ever bag of Haribo): 'Look, Mum, it’s a beer bottle!'"
Some slack should be given to Inch, though, since she's an award-winning beer writer.
It's her job to know good beer, so it was only a matter of time before her little one found out about how mommy gets to drink and call it work.
It Wasn't a Choice
Mom Caitlin Martin learned the hard way that, if you ask too nicely, your kids will not be terrified of you or your fake threats.
"*Me getting onto Blakely* 'Blakely do you want a spanking?' Blakely: 'No thanks Mommy I’ll take a popsicle.' LOL yet again another parenting fail," the mom shared on Twitter.
To be fair, it's probably best Martin didn't make good on her threat. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends parents not resort to physical punishments. "That only teaches aggressive behavior and becomes ineffective if used often," the organization of doctors says.
Missed That One
Summertime can be hard on parents and kids.
The little ones are used to school and activities, and mom and dad are used to living their lives without being in constant fear that a parenting fail could happen at any moment.
One Twitter user, with the handle Bad Parent, tweeted about their most significant summer parenting fail saying: "Failed to watch my two-year-old whilst she bit her brother's face."
Ouch. Hope it didn't leave a scar.
A Reality Check
Sometimes, you simply shouldn’t let give your kid access to your online accounts because you never know how they’ll use them in the future.
Case in point: Australian mother Margot Saville admitted that her teenager may be ordering Uber Eats without her knowledge.
Sharing the Love
Mom of two Stacey Aquino shared a very relatable parenting fail: when one mess becomes two.
"My 2-year-old girl goes over to kiss her 10-month-old brother on the forehead. She smells poop and promptly vomits on him," she wrote.
Oh boy. Thank goodness baby wipes exist.
Maybe Too Honest
College student Lindsay Tippins is not yet a parent, but that doesn't stop her from sharing parenting fails from her family.
She tweeted: "Dad: 'Lindsay you were the product of a $5 margarita.'"
We're not sure any child needs to know the intimate details of their origin story, but the internet appreciated her father's honesty.
They also enjoyed her mom's critique of Tippins' singledom: "Mom: 'Well, if you want to find your prince, maybe stop being so gross.'"
Sometimes, parenting fails are just brutally honest moments with your mom.
Taking It a Bit Far
We don't know the true identity of Lurkin' Mom on Twitter, but we don't care either. The comedy writer has nearly 40,000 followers because of her hilarious, spot on quips about parent life.
She shared an important reminder for all other parents: "If another mom leaves her kids with her husband to meet you out somewhere and you bring your toddler, that is considered an act of war."
Consider yourself warned.
Good Listening at Least
Mom of two, Katherine Tatum just wanted to teach her toddler that breaking promises wasn't cool.
"So we told McCoy that if he breaks a pinky promise his pinky breaks and now he’s inconsolable," she wrote. "It was really funny at first then it took us 5 minutes to get him to stop crying."
At least she was kind enough to share her parenting fail with Twitter, so other moms and dads don't try this trick with their kiddos.
Not as Planned
Sometimes, parenting fails don't involve scarring your kids, but instead involve scarring yourself.
Keith Newman, a dad from the United Kingdom, shared his recent fail saying: "Just tried to catch something the 5-year-old threw to me and accidentally punched myself in the crotch."
Better get some ice for dad, kid.
The Last Piece
Rebecca, a writer and mom from New York, shared her parenting fail at 1 a.m. confessional style on Twitter.
"In my desperate bid to clean the apartment this weekend, I tossed five puzzles instead of sorting and locating all the pieces," she wrote. "I feel as though I whacked off 10 potential IQ points from my children."
Sure, puzzles are great for kids, but so is a mom who feels more relaxed post-puzzle cleansing. "I’ve done this. It’s fine. Mom sanity is important," fellow mom Katy England wrote to Rebecca. Kelly Dawson added her support: "No way. Kids can thrive with less!"
Kind of a Fruit
Sharon M. Peterson is a writer and mom of four from Texas. She often tweets about her delightful #MomLife moments.
Such as: "What I Say: I’m going to the bathroom. What My Kids Hear: I’m going to the bathroom. Please stand at the door and ask as many questions as you possibly can. Bonus points if you fight with a sibling. Extra bonus points if you open the door and ask me to peel a banana," she shared.
Her musings on mom life are very relatable as was this tweet: "4yo: Smarties are my favorite fruit!"
Stacey Skrysak is a news anchor, writer and mom in Springfield, Ill. She's gained a following online after sharing the story of how she lost two of her three triplets when they were born at just 22 weeks.
Through her writing, Skrysak has been a voice for those dealing with infertility issues, premature birth and child loss.
She's also hilariously upfront about her parenting fails. "My daughter was caught saying a swear word at preschool," she wrote. "I don’t know if I should be appalled ... or be proud that it took nearly five years to happen!"
Not Age Appropriate
Louise is a mom, and she works for the police department in Lincolnshire, England. Considering her tough job, it isn't surprising that she likes horror films.
Louise was shocked, though, to see her little one carrying one around at school.
"The enjoyment of being a mummy on the school run quickly disappeared when my darling daughter walked out of school proudly clutching her DVD," she wrote. "Imagine the horror on my face when I notice it is Saw 3 ... The extreme edition!!"
Looking on the Bright Side
Danielle Herzog is a writer, school and mom who often shares her stories from the trenches of parenthood on Twitter.
"Having a six-year-old boy means that at some point a lightsaber is going to be shoved under the bathroom door as you are peeing," she wrote.
Herzog also shared her biggest parenting fail and said: "That one time — when I was a rookie parent and said, 'Sure! You can play with packing peanuts.' Hours of life I'll never get back."
Granted she probably lost half a day to this mess, but hey, at least she got a cute picture. Some parenting fails are wins.
Twitter user @AstraKate is a social worker and mom living in Australia. Like a lot of moms, she shares her experiences in parenting.
"My son's theory on why he never gets sick," she wrote. "'We've got great immunity. It's because we eat stuff off the floor all the time.'"
To be fair, it could be better than being sick.
Not the Idea
As a nurse, Libby Rosonet helps kids with cancer. She's also a mom to her little one, Tegan.
"Me: Tegan, let’s see who can pick up the most toys," Rosonet wrote on Twitter. "5 min later, I’ve picked them all up, and Tegan has picked up none. Me: I picked them all up. I win!! I win!! Tegan: Mama, you won! Great job, Mama! Yay, Mama!"
While picking up all the toys on her own wasn't the plan, at least Rosonet is raising her daughter to be a great team player.
This Takes the Cake
All great parenting fails have one thing in common: They remind us that while we can't have everything — at least not at the same time.
Public law solicitor and mother of three, Faith, showed us just that with the parenting fail she shared on Twitter.
Alongside a photo of a crumbled cake, she wrote: "When you try to make a birthday cake whilst putting 3yo to bed and with your mind still on work."
Say Goodbye to Your Bed Space
English novelist Holly Cave learned the hard way that your bed is no longer your bed when it comes to toddlers.
"Told 2 yo he couldn't leave his bed and sleep with me because all his toys would be lonely and sad," she wrote.
Aww, what a sweet kiddo. Too bad his desire to be near his favorite belongings didn't mean he'd be staying in his room.
Cave explained tweeting: "So I'm sharing a bed with a human child, a cloth child, two rabbits, a zebra, a monkey and a penguin."
Toddlers Can Be Techies, Too
Civil engineer and dad Adam must have passed along his smarts to his little guy because his toddler is at least 100 times better at household technology than me.
"22 months old: hacked into my locked phone, started YouTube, searched for his favourite song [go bang by pnau], and began casting it to the TV so he can dance at 6 am the other morning," Adam wrote.
No joke, it once took me 45 minutes to figure out how to stream a Lifetime show to my living room television.
When Technology Goes Wrong
It's a whole new tech world, and we're all learning together. Thankfully, one Ohio mom of four (aka a superhero) is sharing her hot tips on Twitter.
"Neat Alexa tip...don't set a timer when you’re yelling at people. I currently have 7 mins left on my 'get the f**k out of my kitchen' timer," she wrote.
Thanks for the advice, Stacey.
Grandparents Can Have a #ParentingFail, Too
Grandparents just want to help. Well, unless they feed your kids a pound of sugar. Then, they're definitely not trying to help. But when they are, they still might make an epic #parentingfail, as one American mom recently learned.
"The best part of a kids-free night? When your parents forget your house key and your partner has to drive an hour to bring one to them," she tweeted. "So much for a date..."
Thanks a lot mom and dad.
Sometimes You Really Need the Ice Cream
If you were alive in the 80s, then it is likely you can still sing the iconic "What would you do for a Klondike bar?" jingle.
We know what Syracuse mom Kayla Richmond would do.
"Just snuck the last #KlondikeBar under my shirt so I wouldn't have to share with my kids," she tweeted.
Nothing but respect from us, Kayla.
When Bedtime Stories Get Dark
We knew Oklahoma mom Nicole Bisby would have some awesome #parentingfails to share as soon we learned she refers to her little boy as "baby dictator."
"Husband bought a book for baby dictator in Morocco without reading it first," she tweeted. "Turns out it’s about the death of some ladies husband and a militia going to avenge him. Night-night, baby, sweet dreams."
Cheese Is Healthy, Right?
As a television presenter/reporter, English mom Sascha Williams is pretty busy. Sadly, her daughter didn't take this into account during a recent snack time.
"When you spend a rare spare minute making healthy toddler snacks from scratch — then watch her ask for mini cheddars instead," she tweeted.
In case you didn't know, mini cheddars are a kind of cheese cracker that is very popular in England. While cheese and bread aren't fruits or vegetables, at least the kiddo didn't ask for candy.
All Hail The Queen (Or Princess)
Maybe it was Meghan Markle's recent wedding that inspired one toddler to give herself a royal title.
"My oldest child has started referring to herself in the third person as 'the princess,'" mom Kazia shared. "She is 3 years old. I feel this is a major #parentingfail I dread to think what the future brings.”
Who knows, maybe her toddler will be the next Duchess.
Cleaning Is for Kids, Too
It turns out that even if your kiddo knows all the words to the special cleaning song you taught her, she might remain unmotivated.
Las Vegas mom Kamil Choudhury recently found that out. "My eldest is singing the cleanup song while I clean up her toys," she tweeted.
But Sometimes They're Not the Best at It
Other times, your kiddos do listen to your pleas for help around the house, but ultimately make more of a mess.
"Today I made the mistake of trying to put laundry away while the babies were in the same room," Australian dad Steve Friel tweeted. "So basically I watched my children throw freshly laundered clothes around the room for 30 mins.”
At least they tried to help?
You Can Love Writing and Explaining That Love to Your Kids
Meg is an Ohio mom, and she's also an author. But sometimes it can be hard to explain to kids why we do the things we do.
"Today my daughter asked me why I write books. I told her it’s so I can escape reality," she tweeted. "She said, 'You don’t like life with us?' What the hell am I supposed to say to that?"
Apparently, kids can give tough interviews, too.
"I just said... 'A book is just a fantasy of your heart,'" Meg added.
Sometimes Kids Smell the Worst
Parents make a lot of sacrifices for their kiddos. At the top of the list has to be cleaning up after them.
"I'm today's #parenting news, the baby pooped so hard and so smelly that we had to give him a bath," mom Amy Johnson tweeted.
Despite that unconditional love, parents aren't immune to the nasty smells kids can create. Just ask Amy.
"The words 'I honestly can't stand to be around him right now' definitely left my mouth," she said.
Parties Are Hard
Raising kids is hard enough, but then you have to throw elaborate parties for them as well.
English mom Emily Hazard managed to get the invites printed and sent to school for her little one's birthday party. But only after accomplishing this formidable task did she realize that all of the invites had the wrong date on them. Now she has to decide if she wants to remake every single invite or switch the date of the party. Either way, we don't envy her.
Kids Can Be Tick Free
A mom from Arkansas had the best intentions when she left some supplies for the family dog in the bathroom. "Left a brand new bottle of dog shampoo in our kid's bathroom last week intending to bathe [the] dog. Forgot until today & guess what?" Tabitha Doddridge wrote. "Seal broken & 1/8 used. I think it's safe to say my son is now flea/tick free. (And needs to learn to read labels)."
Well, kids don't need ticks or fleas, so hopefully, this parenting fail was a blessing in disguise.
When Being Early Goes Wrong
Often being early for an event is a great thing. Other times, it is a big mistake, which Dr. Dan, the head of the Sport & Exercise Science Department at the University of Worcester, learned the hard way.
"Kids looked amazing this morning for #BreakTheRulesDay at school. The lad dressed as Spiderman and my sweet girl as ‘Wonderkid’ (her own creation). Very proud of both of them," he said. "Bit of a shame that Break the Rules day is next week, really.”
Learning New Words
Every parent has their story about how the kids learned a bad word. For Clint, a dad from Texas, it was thanks to a beloved movie that we adults forget isn't just a kid’s movie.
"Letting the kids watch ‘Shrek’ for the first time," he wrote. "Forgot how many times they say, 'ass.'"
There's Only One Right Way
Indiana dad Ted Bohner recently discovered an epic failure on his part when his daughter enjoyed a delicious treat.
"I’ve tried my best to raise my daughter and teach her the important things like don’t talk to strangers and to always #BuckleUp," he wrote. "But who eats a @Hersheys Kit Kat like this? I still have work to do!"
Haircuts Are Best Left to the Professionals
My best friend is a hair stylist, so this simple fact might have come more natural to me: Haircuts are best left to the professionals.
Canadian mom Brittany Nadeau learned this one day after she tried cutting her kid's hair and lived to tell the tale.
"Dear moms of the world, Do not. I repeat, DO NOT try and cut your son's hair," she wrote. "Sincerely, the world's worst mom, crying in the corner because she fucked up her 3-year-old's hair."
Is No News Better Than Bad News?
The world is a scary place, and parents everywhere have to handle the delicate balance of shielding and preparing their kids for the worst. Toronto mom Carla Grant Embleton stumbled into this lesson one day when her son started reading the newspaper with her.
"Just caught my 7 yo reading @nytimes article over my shoulder," she wrote. "He asked, 'I don’t really understand but did someone get their fingers bitten off by a turkey?'"
When Your Kid's Day Is Worse Than Yours
Some days are hard, and others are so bad your mom tweets about them.
Massachusetts mom Kate shared her family's parenting fail that happened when she and her husband failed to check the calendar.
"The moment you realize you & your spouse inadvertently scheduled kid 1's dental filling & flu shot for the same morning," she wrote. "Sorry, girlie, Muma & Daddy love you so much, be brave, you got this!"